The Hardest Part

WindowThe hardest part about asking for help is,well, asking for help. We are raised to take care of ourselves, solve our own problems and NOT ask for help. We spend most of our lives learning how to be strong, successful and independent. In the midwest, in South Dakota, where I was born and raised, if you were called “stoic” or “stubborn” you were being given a compliment.

And then a life threatening illness whacks you in the side of the head and knocks you off your feet. And for a long time you fight back. You fight hard. You are able to solve the problems, to make things work, to somehow keep your lives stitched together and functioning.

But on the inside you watch your life slowly crumbling apart and soon even the most everyday tasks seem too difficult…bills don’t get paid on time, things on your to-do list start stacking up and you realize that you can no longer handle everything on your own…that this problem is BIGGER and STRONGER than you.

So you ask for help with mixed emotions. It took months before Michael and I made the decision to put his fundraising in the hands of HelpHopeLive. We felt so fortunate that we had already had so much support – both financial and emotional from good friends, family and in some cases people who we didn’t even know when Michael relocated to Arizona in hopes of getting his transplant.

The next couple of years were almost like a tragic comedy of errors…the transplant center in Tucson CLOSED it’s lung transplant program, another handful of centers turned us away due to Michael’s heart problems, we weathered two heart surgeries and listened to some sceptics that didn’t think that the cost and benefits of a transplant were “worth it”. Ha, say that when you are tethered to an oxygen tank 24/7 and struggling to breathe!

And then we found Cleveland Clinic and we felt like the doors opened and we found a home where we would be safe….a transplant center whose goal was to save lives. Cleveland approached Michael’s situation with incredible logic. First take care of the heart problems (two heart stents), get him back on his feet and then work towards the transplant.

They told us we would need to raise a minimum of $35,000 for uncovered medical expenses. This is where HelpHopeLive comes in. These folks care about helping others that are backed up against a wall due to medical issues. They work hard to make sure that everyday people don’t lose their jobs, their homes and in many cases their hope just because they have been unfortunate to land in a difficult place.

Asking for help is still tough. We feel so blessed to have gotten the help we have from everyone who supports us in this journey. But Michael will get his second chance. And when he does, well, then our goal is to find a way to help others in our situation, so that maybe their road will be just a little bit easier.

And our hope is renewed knowing we have the HelpHopeLive organization and our friends and family on our side.

If you would like to donate to Michael’s transplant fund, please click here.

 

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Seize the Day

Sometimes the worry and the exhaustion of dealing with a life threatening medical issue on a daily basis can really wear you down. You just feel like escaping and have to deal with the fight or flight syndrome over and over and over again.

I have found that at those times you need to look for the good and the positive in the every day to pull you back up.

Today I was driving home, in my now normal state of anxiety, and a white convertible passed me with the top down. I could see two little girls huddled in the back seat giggling with joy at the wind in their hair. They couldn’t have been more than five or six years old. As they passed me, one of the little girls turned to me and threw me an enormous smile as she waved at me. The look on her face was one of sheer delight and happiness. It was almost as if she sensed that I needed something to turn my day around. I couldn’t help but smile and it was almost as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

It is that easy to change someone’s day for the better. Thank you beautiful little girl. You made my day.

If you would like to donate to Michael’s transplant fund, please click here.

 

Happy Ending

I am sending the love of my life off on a journey….but it is a journey that I wish wasn’t necessary. He will soon be traveling to Arizona to wait for his double lung transplant.

And although we have been pretty much inseparable for nearly 10 years, I can’t accompany him on his journey. I may not even be able to make it to his side when the call comes telling him that they have found a match, that he may be getting his 2nd chance at life through organ donation. But the hope of some good years together with  my partner and soul mate has kept me going.

Some rather grim statistics were released yesterday with Facebook Founder, Mark Zuckerberg’s announcement that Facebook would be adding an organ donation option to the site. According to the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), more than 114,000 Americans are currently on waiting lists for transplants of kidneys, livers, hearts and other organs. More than 6,600 died last year waiting for an organ.

Friends, family and even many people that we barely know have been so supportive. Asking for help is never easy, but we have witnessed an extraordinary effort from so many to help us achieve what seemed like an impossible goal. All the help, compassion, encouragement and financial support has helped ease a difficult path. Thanks to all of you that were there for us when we needed you. I only hope that we can somehow repay your generosity and kindness.

I pray that you send positive thoughts our way and that we will have a long and happy ending to our fairytale love.

Cinderella wants to dance again with her handsome prince again.

If you would like to donate to Michael’s transplant fund, please click here.

The Gift of Life

Ok, I guess it is time to get to what this blog is about and why I decided to start writing it. I keep avoiding getting to this part, dodging the horrible truth. My best friend and the love of my life is sick Really sick. He is waiting-for-a-double-lung-transplant-sick.

To explain, this means he is dependent on oxygen. 24 hours a day. He can’t go anywhere without it. Not even across the room. And sometimes the oxygen tank he has with him at all times doesn’t provide enough oxygen to help him catch his breath. He can walk five steps and take five minutes just to recover.

You may be thinking, why doesn’t he just get it taken care of? Well, that is a good question. The truth is that the wait for organ donations is incredibly long. Some people are on the waiting list for years. Often people, actually quite often, die just waiting for a donor.

Organ donation…wow, a hard subject to talk about. Especially if you actually think about it and what it actually entails.

Because, as we all know, for someone to get a donation, someone else has to die. A family loses a loved one, someone loses their best friend, and countless others are left to mourn the loss of someone who meant something to them or had an impact on their life somehow.

But once you get past that….and realize that when you leave this earth, you can actually live on in countless people through organ and tissue donations. You can give someone a second chance at life, you can give someone sight, you can make certain that someone’s heart continues to beat, through the gift of YOUR heart. What better way to honor life than through the act of saving another one….

I have watched Michael’s health decline for the past few years. Slowly at first and then rapidly. It is tough. And sad. He used to be strong and take care of me. Now I take care of him.

Sometimes I think that I struggle to breathe as much as he does. But my struggle is fueled by panic and fear….the fear of losing the man I love so dearly, the fear of losing my best friend.

So maybe this blog will make you rethink organ donation. I know it is a tough choice to make. But wouldn’t it be amazing to know that someone is seeing the world through your very eyes, breathing in deeply with your lungs and feeling forever grateful that you shared that miraculous gift of life so that they could live on.

If you would like to donate to Michael’s transplant fund, please click here.

 

Back to the Past

Three years after returning to South Dakota, my mother was again well and heading towards the 5 year milestone of being “cured” of cancer. She was becoming stronger, but had to give up driving and settle into a new lifestyle of dependence on family members. It was tough for her to adjust to not having the same freedoms she had enjoyed before her illness, but she was so grateful to be alive. One day she was sitting on her front porch and a truck slowed down and then stopped, a man jumped out and she saw a familiar smiling face coming towards her.

Michael had been a close friend of the family many years earlier. Michael and I, we had a history. Although he was three years older than me, we spent time hanging out one summer together with my older sister and her boyfriend. One hot afternoon found us at a local swimming hole. It was the perfect day. On the way home on the winding South Dakota highway, we hit gravel and Michael’s jeep rolled. Without doors or a seatbelt I flew through the air like a speeding cannonball hitting a tree headfirst. We both had serious injuries and were transferred by ambulance to the local hospital. We recovered and eventually Michael moved away.

He always held a special place in my heart and the scars on my head were a constant reminder of him throughout my life.

Now he was back and interested in seeing me. I looked forward to meeting him again after so many years, but didn’t expect the overwhelming attraction I felt for him the first time he walked in the door after nearly thirty years. This was the beginning of our wonderful romance and we are hoping that it lasts forever….

If you would like to donate to Michael’s transplant fund, please click here.