I let this blog take a back burner in my life. The difficulties, the loneliness and the fear of knowing that the man I love was so far away…left to deal with life and death on his own, well, it seemed to render me speechless. Now it is time to blow some life back in this little venture of thoughts and words. But unfortunately….the words aren’t that pretty.
The discouraging news that we received a couple of weeks ago snatched all of our hopes and our dreams away. All of our plans for the future, seemingly swept away….simple plans, really. We aren’t asking for much. Dancing, enjoying sunsets holding hands, traveling to faraway places and finally being able to smile and throw our heads back laughing with total abandon….those simple dreams were totally snatched from our hands and our hearts. The transplant team that we were counting on to save Michael’s life rejected him. Sorry, sir, but you are too challenging of a case for us”.
This process has taught us so much. It is hard to stay positive….We joke that we should buy a yacht or throw a few parties. We should fill our conversations with lovely happy thoughts of travels and success. Michael and I REALLY do try to find the joy in the every day, the happiness in knowing that there is hope in our future, but sometimes when those doors slam in our faces time and time again it can suck the life out of you.
This brings me to those dear friends who have stood by our sides, listened to our stories and then come back time and again because they knew that this is what we need, to have someone who accepts us regardless of our situation…because these are our real friends. These are the friends who matter and the ones that I will vow to be there for when I regain my life and my strength. And when they need me, I will fight for them like they have fought for me. These are the friends who make me feel that there is a reason for this life, even when it is so difficult that I actually don’t know if I can survive another day or even know if I want to.